April 30, 2016 I ‘pulled some cards’ which is what tarot users say when they do a tarot spread for guidance. Listen, I’ve been pulling cards since I was 14 and while sometimes I don’t see anything profound, rarely do I walk away thinking I must not have shuffled them enough or I must be energetically off or that the cards are just plain weird and WRONG but that’s what happened on this day. And, I learned a powerful lesson that has enriched my practice and my life ever sine. That lesson being, go with your GUT and you will never be wrong!
That day I asked about the ‘next 60 days’ which is a nice general lazy Saturday afternoon kind of tarot thing to do. I used the Celtic Cross spread which I don’t use as much anymore now that I’m reading intuitively but each placement has a specifically designated meaning. On this day, the cards were basically like “Your life is AWESOME! Also, you will fall apart, there will be death and you will have to lean on others or you won’t get through”. Thanks tarot cards, I think?
Let’s walk through the spread so you can see what I’m talking about. I was using the Wild Unknown Tarot deck and Guidebook. While I don’t need a guidebook, Kim Krans’ book is amaze so I went through a phase of seeing the tarot through her eyes which really enriched my practice, I’ll be quoting much of her book here indicating the quotes by typing (KK) mainly because this isn’t college and I don’t give a shit about traditional quotations or denotations or whatever APA style bullshit they’re coming up with these days (remind me to talk to my energy worker about my anger at my college experience). Anyway, you can purchase the Wild Unknown deck and book on Kim’s website here: www.thewildunknown.com
Here's a pic of the actual spread:
Let’s walk through the spread the way I saw it that day.
1. Heart of the Matter: 3 of cups, friendship, joy, bounty (KK). Ok, I’m awesome, got it thanks!
2. Opposing factor: 5 of Wands, scattered, distracted, deals with our dreams and goals, conflict, your energy moves outward in many directions yet you are suffering inside (KK). Ok, wait, my life is super peaceful right now and I no longer run around like a chicken with my head cut off so, huh? Looking back, I barely remember the first 14 days following the shootings. I would work all day then volunteer all night, or spend all night on the phone with anguishing friends, etc. It felt like one of those dreams where you’re running as fast as you can with maximum effort but getting nowhere. In retrospect this card made perfect sense.
3. Root Cause: The Tower, ok HOLD UP! I didn’t even have to read the book on this one, honestly if there’s a mass shooting card it’s the Tower. Listen, I’ve grown to develop a fond affection for The Tower but let’s stop for a second and talk about a few common tarot misconceptions. The Death card is really a card of death of the old and development of the new, imagine the energy of a phoenix rising up from the ash, it’s not a bad card and doesn’t mean actual Death. Some feel the Tower is actually a death card. Well, I get that too but I have another take on that if you keep reading. The Tower means COMPLETE destruction of something, a tower blowing up and crumbling to the ground, etc. When I got this card that day I was like “how does this go with the kickass energy of the 3 of cups?”, this is where the spread started to not make sense.
4. The Past: 5 of swords, destruction of the old self (KK). I’d been going through a bit of a personal transformation and this card was completely appropriate.
5. Goal: 9 of Wands, strength, stamina, confidence, your journey is near completion but you find yourself growing weary, lift your eyes and take a few more steps, your hard work is about to pay off (KK). This made career sense to me but I wasn’t at all weary, I’d come to accept a lot of things and was skipping through the tulips at this phase of my journey, what’s with the weariness and the energy of feeling like I just can’t go on, an ominous warning I found to make no sense at the time.
6. The Future: The Sun, ok and not to creep anyone out but here’s the deal, the Sun is considered an awesome card by most and honestly it is. Think about the sun, shining brightly, bringing life and vitality to earth. If you live in Florida you probably worship the damn sun. However, I once read that THIS can indicate sudden and spontaneous death, which makes total sense. Imagine flying into the sun and the complete combustion that would result. Now, remember tarot is a tool used to connect with your intuition (if you’re me). So, it’s that gut feeling that will tell me if this is a blessing card or a warning card. I remember on that day FEELING the spontaneous death aspect of this card. It felt like it would be very close to home. This was the point in the spread where I started to decide the cards could be just plain WRONG.
7. You (or in this case ME, my energy, where I’m at, etc.): Son of Pentacles. Ok, a brief explanation of Court cards (King, Mother, Page, Knight, Son, etc.). These cards can literally signify a person or the energy of the card can pertain to your energy. Literally look at this card. It’s a sad, despondent, contemplative deer hanging its head. Again, this makes no sense with the 3 of cups and there’s the good of the 9 of wands with the “weariness” energy. I’m good, I’m sad, I’m strong, I’m weary, spontaneous death…what?
8. External Influences: 4 of Pentacles, material gain and stability but do not become controlling or possessive (KK). AGAIN, a card that’s both a blessing and a warning. Just know there are 78 cards in the deck and many are straight up either a blessing or a warning not BOTH a blessing and a warning. At this point I remember wanting to just gather up the cards, re-shuffle and start again, so glad I didn’t! Looking back there was a lot of world focus on what happened, how it happened, why it happened, the logistics of it all (Pentacles also focus on earthly matters). People, myself included were just trying to make sense of it all.
9. Hopes and fears: 5 of pentacles, a card of hard times, may come in the form of loss, there will be worry, so much worry, this anxiety is counterproductive and damaging, you must find a way to quiet the mind during this difficult time (KK). At this point I remember thinking for sure I might lose one of my parents or something like that, but again so many contradictory messages in this spread. 4 of pents indicates stability, 5 of pents could possibly be ruin and worry. What?
10. Final Outcome: 9 of swords, dark visions, anguish, insomnia, nightmares, often accompanied with GUILT, despair and depression, turn to others for help (KK). The final outcome card is always the “this is how it’s all gonna be” card and remember this was a time when things were going relatively well for me in my life.
I’m a cardiac trauma nurse by trade, a nurse who loves a good night out dancing and ESPECIALLY out at a gay club where let’s face it the music is just way better and people are just way friendlier (it’s called GAY for a reason!).
How many times did I think if I’d been out in that parking lot, who could I have saved with my stellar medical trauma skills? I’m also a former combat medic in the US ARMY. If I’d been awake listening to a police scanner like a friend of mine, could I have run up there (it’s not far from me) and helped carry victims to the hospital after maybe tying a tourniquet in just the right spot or covering a sucking chest wound the way they taught me to on the battlefield in ARMY medic school? Could I have helped? I think many of us left behind suffer from our own form of survivor’s guilt.
Remember this was a 60-day spread. I still remember feeling all of the good things in this spread and from 4/30/16-6/11/16. I had achieved a bit of homeostasis and stability in my life. I was over the hump of my career stress. I was connecting with family fairly frequently. In fact, I still remember a facebook post I made around 6/10/16. It was one of those hilarious posts with a trillion likes and I remember feeling like FINALLY my life was on target so what was with that 9 of swords back on 4/30/16 and the Tower, The Sun & the Son of Pentacles? The cards clearly didn’t know what they were talking about. I see it all clearly now but you know what they say about hindsight.
Every metaphysical worker I know will tell you business has picked up ESPECIALLY in the Orlando area since last June. When doctors and pharmaceuticals and therapists can no longer hold space for you, enough space to help you wrap your brain around something that cannot possibly be understood with the brain, where do you turn?
Personally I turned to energy workers, empaths, psychics, mediums, chakra balancers, acupuncturists and past life regressionists. I finally just said “f*ck it”, I can’t possibly be in any more grief, what do I have to lose? I know more and more people who are tired of seeing medical practitioners only to feel about 20% better. I personally probably own a small home in a nice neighborhood with the money I’ve spent on traditional psychotherapy only to have had them tell me it’s all my parent’s fault and I need to go to HR about my boss and I need to tell my deadbeat friends to go to hell.
Well, that path lead to me finding myself on a battery of pharmaceuticals. I turned my back on my family for a few years, had a wee bit of a nervous breakdown, which I now know was an existential crisis. For years I lead a lonely loner existence and feared being fired from my job constantly.
I now see an energy worker once a week who balances my chakras and kicks ass! I study under an evolutionary astrologer who explains my karmic history and WHY my family is the perfect (and they ARE perfect!!!) family for me in my current soul’s journey & the same goes for my friends and work family. I take weekly classes at a local New Age shop/center with a bunch of empaths, psychics, energy workers, and with people who do things with our non-human human energy fields that there really is no name for! And, I love it!
Are you coming up short in your karmic journey? Do you feel at times to be shaken to your core while intellectually knowing things are ultimately going well? Are you ready for non-traditional modalities to aid you in your expansive awakening? Do you have no idea what I’m talking about but are sick and tired of medical systems, and drugs, and therapists or your own “personal pharmaceuticals” that just aren’t working anymore? Are you screaming FUCK YEAH at this blog??? Contact me today to see how I can help, and if I cannot help I have an arsenal of energy workers at my command (ok, just friends who are professionals in the field of metaphysics that I can refer you to, but that last sentence was kinda badass right?). Be well, and let’s do this!